Officer's Death in Boston

It was tragic that deaths occured related to the chase and ultimate capture of the Boston bombing suspects. An innocent officer was killed at a convenience store. If only it hadn't been situated next door to the donut shop.

Capture of Boston Bombing Suspect

They found the one live remaining Boston bombing suspect. Apparently it was rather simple. Unfortunately he took the advice of a blonde female hostage he had held briefly, who had told him "there's a boat in that back yard if you want to escape."

Boston Bombing

They finally caught the Boston Marathon bombing suspect. He made it easy for the police, not even trying to change into a disguise. Those first on the scene stated he was still wearing a bomber jacket.

Amanda Bynes

Apparently Amanda Bynes was arrested for throwing a bong out of her 36th floor apartment window, endangering passerby on the street below. She showed up in court acting bizarrely and wearing a strange blond wig. Those close to her were surprised by her behavior, but her Life Coach Lindsey Lohan said she didn't understand what all the hubbub was about.

Pakistan Building Collapse Survivor

Apparently they pulled a survivor from the rubble of the factory collapse in Pakistan, after being buried alive for seventeen days. She was immediately contacted by agents from Jenny Craig, who wanted to enlist her endorsement, after she lost fifty-three pounds in just two weeks.

Search Dogs

Apparently, they were having a problem with the search dogs following the tornado that struck Oklahoma. You see, there are dogs that search for survivor's, and also those that search for cadavers. They don't normally work as a team, and the dogs were becoming distracted and starting to fight. Until, that is, someone decided to play music at the scene to calm them. Debate then ensued as to whether "Wanted, Dead or Alive" was an appropriate choice.

Oklahoma Tornado

The recent tornado in Oklahoma destroyed a bowling alley. In the background, as Wolf Blitzer and others held mikes, you could see several bowling balls strewn upon the ground. Luckily, an editor at the newspaper stopped the headline in time that would have read "Tornado Strikes Moore, But Several Spared.